this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Success! We fucked roommates!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
