im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
