are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
