Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
as a side note pls kill me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
