I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
