We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
