I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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