I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
