I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
