Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
