Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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