I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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