Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
