I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
