I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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