so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
