A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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