my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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