Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
