Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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