The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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