respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
