just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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