i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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