After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
