o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
