From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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