and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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