There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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