God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
