This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
