He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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