dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Your dad touched me again.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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