im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
