I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
