dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
