And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
