He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
