pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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