Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
