I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
