checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
