i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
