If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
