I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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