I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
