4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
