You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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