he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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