The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
