this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
