a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
