3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
