I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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