We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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