Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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