Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
